Have you ever felt unloved? Has your partner insisted that they’re putting in the effort, yet you still feel like it’s not enough?
Or maybe you’ve been on the other side—you want others to feel love, but they never seem to respond to your effort.
There are five love languages you may be missing—or badly executing—in your relationships, which can give some much-needed insight into why you may be feeling this way.
Whether or not we’re aware of it, we express and receive love in different ways, be it through physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gift giving, and/or words of affirmation. These concepts are known as love languages, but what do these “love languages” really entail?
Physical touch refers to love and comfort being shown through hugging, hand-holding, or other physical methods of intimacy.
Meanwhile, quality time denotes spending time with your significant other. This might simply be a time with no distractions or a planned outing to remind you of your love.
Gift-giving can vary. It may be something as small as leaving someone a note expressing your love and appreciation to having a bouquet delivered to their home or workplace.
Similarly, acts of service involves actions like cooking, cleaning, or even something as simple as picking up dinner or groceries to show your love.
Words of affirmation—my personal favourite—are reassuring and caring statements from a loved one. This could come in the form of compliments in a face-to-face conversation or a sweet text in the middle of the day.
At first glance, you might be thinking all five apply to you. While this is probably true, there are most likely one or two that fit you best.
To determine their love language, many turn to internet quizzes. But, before trying that, reflect on it yourself.
What do you find yourself craving from your partner when they’re not around? What stands out to you the most when they are? Maybe you feel most loved when you come home, and they have dinner prepared. Maybe a compliment while you’re getting ready for bed is the perfect ending to your day.
Whatever it may be, it must be individual, and speak to how you feel when you think about their behaviours. Love languages and their intensity uniquely vary for everyone.
When it comes to love languages, I’ve heard that you can have one, and only one. This is where I disagree. Though there might be one primary love language you respond to, there’s often, if not always, a second following not far behind.
I’ve found that in my relationships, acts of physical touch—such as holding hands—combined with words of affirmation creates the most comforting feelings. The combination of both is what makes me feel most at peace in my relationship.
While it’s important to find what works best for you so you can remain content within your relationships, it’s equally important to have this discussion with your partner.
Make sure you’re aware of what love language will best make them feel heard, acknowledged, and loved. Sit back and reflect on if it’s how you’ve shown love, or if you need to switch something up. By establishing how one feels most loved, you can better cater to their needs and vice versa.
Personally, I feel like understanding love languages has improved my relationships—not only in my relationship with my partner, but with family and friends, as well.
Once you know what makes you and your loved ones feel the best, your relationships will strengthen.
Personally, I won’t be gift-giving everyone because I’m still a student paying rent, but you know, the anecdote was there.
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