September marked the beginning of the end for me—my last year at Queen’s and, in turn, my last year living in Kingston. The bittersweet emotions that come over me when I think about this fact are overwhelming. It feels like I’ve just gotten comfortable with my life and routine at Queen’s, and I’m already preparing to leave behind the sense of community that comes with living in a university town. While I’m sad to leave, I also feel ready to graduate and excited for post-grad life.
Ever since I started my fourth year, I’ve been hounded by the same question: “What are you doing after you graduate? What are your plans for next year?” My answer is simple: I have no idea.
This question came up so often it started to make me anxious. I was thinking about it all the time: what am I doing next year? Why does everyone seem to know except me?
For a little while, I started lying when classmates, coworkers, and extended family asked. I’d say I was looking into different graduate programs and asking around about reference letters. I desperately needed an out from that conversation, and grad school seemed like the only appropriate answer to excuse me from that discussion without being pressed with further questions.
For months, I hated not knowing. For my own sake and fear of the unknown, but also for the sake of having to it that uncertainty to others and face the judgment of my peers, who all seem to be submitting LSAT scores to law school, applying to graduate schools abroad, or landing sweet finance and tech jobs.
Only recently have I started answering honestly, itting to myself and others that I really don’t know what I’m doing next year.
My anxiety about others’ judgment wasn’t entirely unfounded. There’s a bizarre stigma surrounding not knowing what you’re doing after university, especially in fourth year when graduation is right around the corner. It seems if you don’t answer “working at Deloitte,” “going to Osgoode Law School,” or “moving to the Netherlands,” you risk strange looks.
Most people seem shocked that someone could be months away from the rest of their lives and not know what’s in store. There’s a lot of shame in not furthering your studies in the field of your major. Even worse, there’s a lot of shame in not wanting to pursue a career in the field you just devoted four years of your life to.
But now, I’ve started to embrace the idea of not knowing what’s next. Despite being frightening, not knowing what’s next for me feels freeing. I don’t know what sparked this mindset shift—maybe it was finding others who also don’t know what’s next and talking about the endless opportunities out there. While there’s anxiety that comes with not knowing what the future holds, there’s equal, if not more anxiety for those applying to grad school or those with set jobs plans. I have the privilege of spontaneity, a luxury not everyone has and one I’m grateful for.
I’ve had meaningful conversations with close friends and family where we’ve talked about all the amazing ideas we have for how to fill the coming years—moving across the country, turning our ions into careers, running marathons, you name it. There’s so much adventure to be had in this life, and there’s no better time than the present.
In spring 2025, I’ll be graduating at 22 years old, which is extremely young. I don’t think I need to have my life figured out at 22. Most people I’ve asked will tell me they spent their 20s travelling, partying, getting their first pets, or landing their first office jobs—you get the gist. It seems uncommon to hear someone had it all figured out by their early 20s—excluding my grandma, who was married with two kids by 22.
This isn’t to say I expect my post-graduation life to be glamorous and wildly spontaneous—at this moment, I genuinely have no idea where I’ll be living or what I’ll be doing. But I’ve come to realize it’s okay to be jumping around after university, working different jobs, and just figuring yourself out. University was a great start to this journey—I’ve learned a lot about myself and grown substantially in the last four years. But why should self-discovery be limited to your undergrad years? We should continue to learn and grow well into our 20s, before ultimately settling down.
I still feel really young, and I have a lot more life experience I need to gain before having it all together. It’s exciting that I don’t know what’s in store for next year—the world’s truly my oyster. While I do hope I’ll achieve amazing things, like visiting a country I’ve never been to, or landing a cool job at a company that fulfills me, there’s a chance I won’t be able to check those boxes right away. Maybe in a few years, I’ll realize I do want to go to graduate school and return as a mature student.
Whatever happens, I know I’ll spend the next couple years gaining valuable life experience in whatever I do—interning, discovering new ions, working abroad, or whatever else calls my name.
My main goals for post-grad life are to make ends meet financially, gain life experience, and enjoy being young while I still am. With graduation just six months away, I can proudly say I’m okay not knowing exactly what’s coming next. While scared, I’m also quite excited about the future.
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