When it comes to our generation’s greatest fears, forget ghosts, horror movie jump-scares, or spiders. But being alone in the public eye? Now, that’s a chilling concept.
For many, being or doing things alone is uncomfortable, if not excruciating. Not the act of being alone, but a fear of looking lonely and what it might say . Highly social environments like high school—where visual popularity reaped tangible effects—taught us happiness and validation came from surrounding ourselves with people, all the time.
Though less dramatic, a similar preference for being in groups extends to university and early adulthood. From dining halls, where first years eat in groups of two or three minimum, to public spaces that seem dominated by couples or friend groups, there’s stigma attached to those who come unaccompanied.
Not wanting to be alone or worse, be seen alone, stems from a natural fear of external judgement. In an age where social anxiety runs rampant and outward impressions from random strangers feel vital to our self-image, no one wants the shame, awkwardness, or embarrassment of appearing lonely or friend-less, even if it’s in their head.
I, too, have grappled with finding the confidence to be by myself. In first year, I frequently skipped meals at the dining hall because my friends were too busy to me, and I’d rather be hungry than sit alone. I’ve missed out on social events because I valued saving face over showing up by myself. It sounds pathetic writing it now, but it goes to show how daunting independence can be when it’s viewed as an unfortunate circumstance rather than a personal choice.
In fact, we go to such lengths to avoid our own company we forget knowing how to be alone is one of life’s key skills.
During my summer job as a restaurant hostess, I was constantly booking reservations and large parties for special occasions. On birthdays, tables of two, 10, or even 20 were common, until one day a customer showed up asking for a table for one. While my colleagues were busy pitying her for eating alone on her birthday, I iring her confidence for having a good time by herself.
This shift in mindset has changed my life.
Many activities have become so normalized as social endeavours, that it feels unnatural to do them without someone by your side. We shouldn’t be so quick to underestimate the rewards of a solo adventure—whether it’s meeting new people, learning something about yourself, or overcoming a fear by stepping outside your comfort zone.
Don’t get me wrong—having company is great. Groups provide confidence, security, and motivation at times when you lack them yourself. Enough time alone also leaves me craving social interaction, turning simple tasks, like chores and walking to class into memorable quality time with my friends. But being intentional with these interactions, rather than over-relying on them or seeking them out for the sake of external appearances, makes them more meaningful.
Despite the inner voice telling you it’s awkward or embarrassing to be alone—at the movies, a workout class, a restaurant, or a party—you have every right to be there. With time and practice, the noise of others’ judgements and any longing to appeal to others will tune out. Validation from yourself is all you need to have a good time, anyway.
It’s intimidating to brave the world alone. But I promise, once you allow yourself to see the positive side of doing things by yourself, the world becomes less of a scary place.
Katharine is a fourth-year Film and Media student and The Journal’s Editorials Editor.
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