When Mischa Bartkow, Comm ’03, went to party it up at Alfie’s four years ago, he never expected the student constable inspecting his ID would be the man he would one day marry on a reality TV show.
“Dan checked my ID and we had a bit of eye ,” Bartkow said. “For the rest of the night, we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other.”
Bartkow said the flirtatious StuCon tracked him down using Queen’s online directory and e-mailed him.
“For our first date we went to the Sleepless Goat and ended up on a road trip to Ottawa that night,” he recalled. “We totally missed all the turns for Ottawa and ended up in Montreal—we were that enthralled with each other.
“It was very, very intense right away.”
Bartkow and Dan Dumsha, ConEd ’03, told the Journal they have been inseparable since then.
Engaged only a week after their magical road trip, they finally wed in March on the Global TV program My Fabulous Gay Wedding. The episode will air July 6.
Hosted by Scott Thompson of Kids in the Hall fame, the show follows a team of event gurus as they plan a gay or lesbian wedding in the span of two weeks.
Not only did Bartkow and Dumsha meet and fall in love at Queen’s, but the pair—who performed with Queen’s Players and fondly recall living in the Ghetto—said the ive campus environment allowed them to celebrate their relationship.
“The campus, istration, faculty, was always totally accepting,” Bartkow said. “It gave us a lot of confidence in moving away from Queen’s and into our real life together.”
He added that they found their fellow students to be open-minded as well.
“Gay or straight, it didn’t really matter,” he said. “It was all about community, all about friends.” The couple said it was this confidence and the of friends and family that made televised marriage a natural choice for the two.
“Ever since the issue of same-sex marriages became a hot topic … we’d been working on an innovative way of bringing the story to a broad television audience,” said David Paperny, president of Paperny Films and executive producer of the show, in a press release.
“We were looking for [couples] who were truly in love, [and] we were looking for diversity, plus we wanted people with captivating stories to tell.” Dumsha, who now teaches English and drama at a Toronto high school, said he was directing a school play when he learned about the opportunity.
“[I] found this brochure for the show in a costume shop,” he said.
He said Bartkow and Dumsha ed the producers and chatted with them over the phone.
“They told us that they had a few hundred couples interested, but asked us to send in our photos and they would let us know.
“Within five minutes of e-mailing the pictures, they called us and arranged an in-person interview.” The pair said they were thrilled with the prospect of an all-expenses paid wedding, even though it will air on TV.
“Once it became legal, we always had marriage in the back of our minds, saying we’d do it when we had the time and money,” Dumsha said.
“This was a trade-off. They paid for everything, but we gave up control.” Although they had to withhold their news from friends and family until two weeks before the wedding—and cap their guest list at 60—Bartkow and Dumsha have only positive things to say about the show.
“We always really felt like our relationship was being respected and that we had a voice,” Bartkow said, adding that the cameras weren’t invasive. “Some people get so stressed out about their wedding. We just got to enjoy it, our families got to enjoy it, and we got a great message out there.”
Series director David Gelfant said the act of getting married if you are gay is a political statement, as well as a declaration of love.
This was true for Bartkow and Dumsha, who also courted private controversy.
Bartkow’s grandmother and aunt boycotted the wedding ceremony, and Dumsha’s mother hesitated at the idea of a televised wedding.
“[Bartkow’s] grandmother disowned him in the process, which wasn’t a total surprise, but still hurt,” Dumsha recalled. “The show had to find drama somewhere, which was through my mother.”
He said his mother’s hesitation was about protection and love.
“She was concerned about our safety and the way that we would be portrayed.” The couple said they are happy to put a face to gay marriage.
“The show has brought us to a place where we are totally out now,” Dumsha said.
Bartkow agreed.
“We wanted to take a stand, and were able to do it in such a fun way,” he said. “We want people to see that we’re just another couple.” So far the two say they have enjoyed their married life.
“Married life isn’t different, it really feels the same,” Dumsha said. “But what it comes down to is that this is our story.
“You might not like the story, but it’s a true story. We’re not hurting anyone—we’re just in love.”
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