Dear Liz,
My best friend and I recently applied for the same job, and to my disappointment, she was the one who got it. Since finding out, I’ve found myself grappling with a mix of emotions—I can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy alongside genuine happiness for her success. She sees I’m a bit upset and keeps asking me what’s wrong, which I’m starting to find extremely annoying. I know I should be happy for her but part of me is still envious. Should I tell her?
Signed,
Jobless and (a tad) jealous
Dear Jobless and (a tad) jealous,
I commend you for acknowledging and sharing these conflicting emotions. It’s much better than keeping them in. It’s entirely natural to feel a mix of happiness for your friend’s success and a pang of jealousy. In today’s job market, everyone is vying for the same opportunity, and when the person who happens to have filled the position is your best friend, it can complicate things. These feelings don’t make you a terrible friend; they make you human.
Feeling upset you didn’t get the job doesn’t mean you don’t want good things for her. I think it’s incredibly important to be present and happy for your best friend, just as you would expect her to be happy for you. It’s important to assess this situation and your emotions constructively. , your best friend didn’t apply for this job behind your back, she didn’t sabotage your chances at getting it, and she didn’t rub it in your face when she was the chosen candidate.
Although it’s natural to compare yourself to others, it’s important to always everyone is on their own, unique journey. The fact your friend is asking you what’s wrong indicates she’s seen a shift in your energy—you must cure this jealous itch ASAP before it creates a rift between you.
If you do choose to have a conversation, I would keep two points in mind. First, make sure your word choice is focused on your disheartened or disappointed emotions regarding the job itself rather than her. Second, you don’t necessarily need to explicitly say, “I’m jealous,” but rather convey you’re working through some mixed emotions.
Being vulnerable and honest will bring you closer together. Who knows, maybe now that she’s on the inside, she can rope you into the same gig!
With Love,
Liz xo
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