Not caring what others think about our appearance is a gateway to a fulfilling life.
Having the self-confidence to master the art of not caring is no simple feat. However, it’s a profound life lesson that everyone must learn to navigate the social herd.
There’s a stark difference between dressing to please others and dressing authentically to yourself. Many of us go through life shackled by the misguided belief that our worth hinges on our appearance.
I learned this lesson the hard way.
For years, I emulated everyone around me—dressing in ways that mirrored others, even bleaching my dark hair blonde. This struggle isn’t just a personal narrative, it’s a universal tale that echoes through the halls of adolescence.
When I look back at photos of myself from high school or first-year university, I barely recognize the girl in those photos. That girl was lost, consumed by conforming to a standard she believed defined her future.
Negative experiences in school often worsen the pressures of social conformity. But children shouldn’t be anxiety-ridden from dressing a certain way. They deserve to be carefree.
The reality is beauty standards are partially self-imposed. We believe we’re responding to societal pressures when, in fact, we’re the architects of our own insecurities. Others’ opinions shouldn’t have reign over our perceived value. Wearing my hair naturally didn’t make me less worthy of friendship or respect, it simply expressed my true self—a realization that still feels surreal to confront.
When I transferred from public school in grade four to an all-girls private school, looks suddenly didn’t matter anymore. In a uniform environment, superficial distinctions were obsolete. Everyone was the same.
Entering public high school was certainly a sobering experience from this freedom.
I masked my insecurities with layers of makeup and ill-fitting clothes, desperately trying to fit into a mould I’d long outgrown. It reminded me the pursuit of external approval is a fleeting escape—nothing more than a temporary band-aid to hide the deeper wounds of self-doubt.
With university on the horizon, I longed for the environment of liberation and self-discovery, as promised in all coming-of-age movies.
Yet, first year came and went, and I was still blonde, wearing lots of makeup, and feeling trapped. Maybe it’s just a factor of getting older, but now in third year, I feel more comfortable with myself than ever in my life.
The point isn’t to be ashamed of your past self, it shaped who you are today. The only way out of this conformity is to go through it. With that, we must realize we’re given only one life—it’s a waste not living it as our authentic selves.
So, let’s be clear: stop giving into normative appeals and self-imposed pressures of what you ought to look like. It’s time to embrace the privilege of being yourself and the joys of not caring.
The pursuit of external validation and conformity stifles individuality and breeds insecurity, so it’s essential for individuals—especially youth—to embrace authentic self-expression for true happiness and meaningful connections.
In the end, it’s our personalities that make relationships, not appearances.
As a former teen who didn’t listen to my parents’ advice, I’m telling you, not as a parental figure but as a friend, to be yourself. Life’s more enjoyable when you’re not living to impress others.
Sarah is a third-year Political Studies and Philosophy student and The Journal’s Features Editor.
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