In my time at Queen’s I’ve seen many parties and hosted a few myself. But when hosting or attending a gathering we have a responsibility. You probably think I am about to start lecturing about drinking in moderation, respecting the community or something to that regard and I think those are very real and important factors of which we must be conscious. However, I want to touch on something that’s often overlooked when inviting your closest friends and half of Facebook to your home for a shindig. I’m talking about a party theme. That often half-witted, tongue in cheek, inside joke, modern commentary party theme that is so eloquently outlined in the description section of your Facebook “events” page.
’80s dance party and Body Break are just a couple of examples of some of the great parties with awesome themes I’ve had the pleasure to attend. But my career at Queen’s has shown me that some people choose ignorance over inclusion and also choose to disregard their responsibilities as decent human beings in favor of a good laugh—at the expense of the mental well-being and physical safety of students on campus.
Party themes can make a very powerful statement. Recently, some individuals chose to plan a Cowboys and Indians party for last Saturday night. The party was scheduled for the same night as Queen’s first annual educational powwow.
The party ultimately didn’t take place. But not only was the theme offensive in the sense that it devalued this historic and incredibly important event, it perpetuated a systemic pattern of “othering” on campus.
Themes like Cowboys and Indians, Pimps and Hos and International Impersonation, in which party-goers dress up as, and imitate the mannerisms of, people from different countries, actively and maliciously dehumanize the people belonging to the marginalized groups they target. “We were just joking,” “We don’t mean anything by it,” and “You’re being too sensitive,” are all responses that unfairly attempt to escape our responsibility to contribute to a safe and inclusive campus and society. When I refer to safety and inclusion, I am including clear definitions of well-being such as walking through campus at night without violence or verbal harassment. However, I’m also talking about a friend’s experience of harassment in the airport security check-point because he has an Arab name; I’m referring to a racialized friend’s chances of getting a job; I am referring to a friend who is Queer and their sense of individuality. When we take a section of someone’s identity and present it as a caricature, a stereotype or a joke, we’re implicitly saying it is something odd, separate and different from “normal.” In doing so we perpetuate the notion that people must act, talk, look, love and believe a certain way to gain acceptance in a country that we so proudly boast as free, equitable and full of opportunity.
People often make discriminatory decisions. For example, when I saw someone dressed up like a “Brokeback Mountain” cowboy at a party last Halloween I was reminded of some people’s utter lack of respect. The partygoer had decided to tear a hole in the backside of his jeans, and by doing so, he reduced someone’s sexual and romantic identity into a single grossly vulgarized sexual act that he is clearly suggesting is something other than normal.
My goal is not to conjure up guilt or produce anger; these may be byproducts of stating the facts. Regardless, guilt and anger are not productive; moreover, the luxury to feel guilty is probably the greatest evidence of one’s own privilege to be safe from daily discrimination. We’ve all made poor choices but the damage has already been done. The only way one can take meaningful steps towards positive change is to speak up. If you get an invitation to a party that has a theme that doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. Have the courage to say so. Say the party theme bothers you. Explain the bigger picture. You may get laughed at, you may get into a debate, you may make a party host angry, but often the right thing to do isn’t the easiest.
If you’re making a Facebook event that includes racist, heterosexist or misogynist content that you would never include on a physical poster for the public, ask yourself why you’re creating it. Though having a “few bad apples” making discriminatory themed parties on Facebook does scare me, I find it much more terrifying and frustrating when dozens or even hundreds of people click “accept.” Take a stance for equality and human rights and think critically about your decisions. We can meet this discrimination head on. It often takes only one voice to make everyone else stop and think.
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Jeff Brown is AMS Social Issues Commissioner.
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