For students who don’t gravitate toward nightlife, university life can feel shaped by a culture that doesn’t quite fit—but there’s more than one way to belong. From quiet corners of campus to shared interests and ive friendships, introverts find their own ways to thrive.
It’s easy to assume everyone’s Friday night features a crowded house party, a trek to the Ale House, and a heavy pour of liquid confidence. But not everyone finds their rhythm in the thrum of party playlists or solo cups. For students who identify as introverted, Queen’s quintessential “work hard, play harder” culture can feel isolating—like being the only person on the dance floor who doesn’t know the steps. Alyssa Bonner, ConEd ’24, knows this feeling all too well.
“It was hard to feel like I fit in, or that I could really connect with people because I didn’t want to participate in the main way people spent time together,” Bonner wrote in a statement to The Journal. “I always felt like I had to pretend because people just assumed everyone parties and everyone drinks. I was worried people would judge me or think I was judging them if I said I didn’t drink.”
For students like Bonner, the journey to finding connection and belonging often takes a quieter, less-trodden path. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less meaningful—or fun.
Introverted student experiences
Lauren Pada, Comm ’26, has had mostly positive experiences as a self-identified introvert.
“In my first year at Queen’s, everyone I met was so willing to talk to me and engage in conversation—the willingness of students to initiate conversation was ideal for my introverted tendencies,” Pada wrote in a statement to The Journal.
Like Pada, Bonner has had mostly positive experiences as a self-identified introvert.
“I was always introverted in high school which continued into my university years—
I often say I’m actually an anxious extrovert because I prefer being around people to being alone but in a more relaxed, intimate way,” Bonner said.
Other students like Nicholas Kwong, ArtSci ’25, share a similar story, even having experienced the onset of COVID-19 protocols established by Queen’s in his first year.
“On the whole, I think being an introvert has not stopped me from having a great time at Queen’s,” Kwong wrote in a statement to The Journal.
“Even if [Queen’s] hadn’t chosen to, protocols had left students feeling isolated because of our physical restraints—it became harder to reach out, easier to stay in, easier to get used to the feeling of being alone,” Kwong said.
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Despite the isolating protocols existing alongside the pandemic, Kwong found peace in the lockdown, finding that he was often encouraged to seek out socializing through digital spaces more frequently. He spent hours every day just talking and being on the phone with people he still frequently talks to this day.
Kwong reflects on the dual-edged nature of digital platforms during his university journey. While they provided an easy escape from social pressures in his early years, they also fostered a sense of complacency that kept her from fully engaging with his peers.
“I ended up tossing away the effort I definitely should have put into making friends and reaching out to my fellow classmates or students precisely because I no longer felt as though I really needed to,” Kwong said.
“When I did realize this, I made concerted efforts to overcome whatever residual social anxieties I might have and did make a couple of friends,” Kwong said.
Navigating social settings
“I have found university culture is 100 per cent extroverted—every aspect of student life comes with the expectation that you will be doing activities with other people, such as studying, clubs, dorms, class, parties, and meals—they are all meant to be a social experience,” Pada said.
In an extroverted environment she abstains from, Pada often finds herself avoiding social settings where partying and nightlife are emphasized, only attending such activities during holidays or for birthdays.
However, Pada enjoys not participating in nightlife, especially once she overcame her fear of missing out, or “FOMO.”
“I find myself pressured by participating in extroverted activities like clubbing very rarely as an aspect of peer pressure and most often as a feeling of FOMO,” Pada said.
Pada has come up with a healthy coping mechanism when she starts to feel the pressures of FOMO coming over her.
“Most of the emotional handling I have to do is internal, where I have to reframe the sense of loss and anxiety I have regarding such events with affirmations,” Pada said.
“One of my favourites is ‘If you went right now you would have a terrible time, it’s not worth the pain.’ I’m lucky enough that I have an incredibly ive and understanding group of friends willing to take ‘I can’t, I’m exhausted’ as legit,” Pada said.
“I think the majority of university culture at Queen’s leans towards extroversion. But that’s not to say that there aren’t communities for everybody,” Kwong said.
Kwong finds, despite whatever reputation Queen’s may have, he’s witnessed students taking it upon themselves to create inclusive and loving communities that could care less if a peer is introverted or extroverted.
“Being an introvert hasn’t negatively affected me at all. I’m very fortunate to have friends who understand me for precisely who I am and can respectfully push and back away from my introversion,” Kwong said.
“I a time I went to a party to celebrate my friend’s birthday and when the night had gone on and they had decided to bring the party to Ale, everyone was saddened by my leaving but super happy that I was able to spend time with them anyways,” Kwong said.
Similarly, Bonner shares as time es, she’s never felt pressured to engage in the party culture, finding her classmates and friends were accepting of her preferences.
Social culture at Queen’s
At a university often synonymous with its vibrant nightlife, students who don’t subscribe to the typical party culture can feel like outsiders looking in. For Bonner, this sentiment was all too familiar.
“I’ve never been interested in drinking alcohol, going to clubs or parties, which at times has made me feel quite isolated,” Bonner said. “Luckily, I have a strong group of childhood friends who make me feel accepted, but when I started at Queen’s I often felt out of place.”
“I in one of my classes in first year we sat in table groups, and despite really enjoying the people at my table, whenever conversation went to drinking and parties, I felt like everyone was speaking another language,” Bonner said.
Bonner often felt out of place amidst the culture of challenges and nicknames tied to Queen’s social activities and hotspots—customs she found herself unfamiliar with. While she had no issue with these traditions or those who embraced them, she struggled to connect with others as her interests didn’t align with the primary ways many students spent their time together.
“I always felt like I had to pretend because people just assumed everyone parties and everyone drinks. I was worried people would judge me or think I was judging them if I said I didn’t drink,” Bonner said.
Bonner found making friends challenging, especially since she hadn’t lived in residence and had missed out on much of the typical university experience due to COVID-19 lockdowns.
“The only person who really made me feel pressured to drink was my boyfriend from first to third year. Every beer he got, he made me take a sip even when I declined. He would brag and try to make me jealous any time I didn’t go to a party with him. He acted like I was uncool and immature because I didn’t drink alcohol,” Bonner said. “It took me too long to question his behaviour because it felt like I was the odd one out, so I didn’t see what he was doing was hurtful and unnecessary.”
Pada finds herself having moments where she feels distanced from the general student community, often as a result of social culture surrounding partying and clubbing.
“The commerce clubs have severe barriers to entry for introverts. The social expectations are far beyond my capacity, and I wasn’t aware of that aspect of them until after I had signed up to a few,” Pada said.
“I’ve had a few experiences, especially as I go through my third year of my undergrad, where I get asked ‘how can you not know this person?’ or ‘wait you’re in commerce?’ [or peers saying] ‘But I’m in commerce and I’ve never heard of you.’ These interactions aren’t the worst in the world, but they do sting,” Pada said.
In of clubbing or partying, Kwong finds himself not really caring for it. Instead, he makes the effort to open up the opportunity to connect with his friends and peers in other ways.
A Guide for introverted students by introverted students: Advice and strategies
Beneath the surface of Queen’s social culture lies a more nuanced reality—one where non-partiers carve out spaces of their own.
“Despite the times of pressure, isolation and loneliness, I’ve never regretted not partying and not drinking. It can feel like that’s the be-all and end-all of university, but it’s really about learning about who you are and [deciding] what you want,” Bonner said. “Life is short, and we may only have one, so I think it’s best to use that time to do what makes you happy. For me, that’s making art, working with kids, watching movies with friends, and cuddling my cats—and that’s okay.”
Both Bonner and Kwong emphasize the importance of authenticity and finding joy in what truly matters to each individual. While Bonner highlights the value of pursuing personal happiness through activities and connections that resonate deeply, Kwong encourages embracing one’s identity and sharing unique ions with others who appreciate them.
“Recognize who you are and embrace it. Love what you’re interested in and share it with those who are interested! I think a lot of people, introverted or extroverted, want to talk and engage with interests that aren’t necessarily ‘mainstream’ topics,” Kwong said.
“My advice to Queen’s students who are more introverted or just uninterested in the party or nightlife culture is to search for clubs, organizations, jobs, and activities that relate to your interests. Once you start looking you will find that there is so much to participate in at Queen’s and in Kingston. Most importantly, don’t pressure yourself, it is worth taking the time to find the people who accept you and allow you to be yourself fully,” Bonner said.
Bonner encourages introverted students to seek out spaces where they can connect with like-minded individuals, reminding them that there are many opportunities at Queen’s and in Kingston that don’t centre around partying.
Pada has found herself a community of friends through her love of dance and dance-related clubs. Further, Pada delightfully spends her days with her “great group of friends that enjoy spending a lot of time on the first floor of Stauffer,”
“I love visual arts, so I looked for activities where I could connect with other artists and creative people. Kingston has so many great places to get involved with the arts like Union Gallery, the Tett Centre, Modern Fuel, Kingston School of Art Community Art School, and the Agnes Etherington Art Centre,” Bonner said.
Bonner also loves the Yellow House’s programs, finding they create a safe space and inclusive environment.
“I also loved my time as an Arts and Science Undergraduate Society (ASUS) Camps counsellor and French programming director. I built so many meaningful relationships during my time at ASUS Camps with co-workers, campers and community that have been so fulfilling,” Bonner said.
Pada has found a love for walking around campus, finding it especially gorgeous during September and October—conveniently, when many clubs have tables set up in the ARC. Pada’s hidden gem is the AMS Clubs Directory, offering a full list of the over 200 clubs offered under the AMS.
“There’s destined to be at least one club that involves your interests,” Pada said.
Pada’s biggest tip for more introverted students is to opt for a roommate in first year.
“I chose the double loft mostly for financial reasons but to this day my randomly assigned roommate is one of my best friends. The dynamic of the small room and shared space means that communication is a must. The setup pushed my introverted boundaries in the best ways, while my bunk could always be my refuge,” Pada said.
As an English student, Kwong’s most comfortable spaces on campus are libraries. Specifically, he’s particularly fond of the W.D. Jordan Rare Books & Special Collections area on the second floor of Douglas Library.
Pada’s most comfortable spaces on campus include Stauffer Library and Common Ground Coffee House.
Bonner, Pada, and Kwong’s experiences demonstrate the countless ways to find fulfillment and build meaningful relationships without the pressure to conform to the typical party scene.
The students contend the key to being an introverted student is to embrace who you are, seek out what makes you happy, and allow yourself the time and space to find your people.
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