Directors and writers need to find a balance between the two extremes of romance films.
When I browse for realistic romance movies, most of the films featured are complex and full of depth, like real life. But almost every single one depicts a failing—or already failed—relationship. It’s discouraging when the only romances considered “realistic” are the ones of two people who don’t find their happy ending.
It’s hard in our contemporary society to determine where romantic love stands, and how it should be represented within film and media. This epoch of “realistic romances” asks the question of what romantic love means today, and whether two people can stay happy together. Couples are frequently separating, and romantic love isn’t depicted as something that can be lasting.
In Canada, divorce rates have been steadily rising, with 2.78 million couples getting divorced in 2022. Nowadays, 40 per cent of married couples in Canada get divorced before their 30th anniversary.
I used to be a romantic at heart. I grew up watching Disney movies, waiting for my Prince Charming. However, as I grew older, I saw the holes in those stories. They seemed too heterosexual, too corny, too shallow, and too sappy. Frankly, they were just too perfect. The love on screen was emotional and fantastical, and ultimately unrealistic.
There are many young people yearning for an “old love,” a love where someone writes you letters, and throws rocks at your window, with a boombox on their shoulder. This can feel non-existent in the modern world, rich with hookup culture and swiping.
However, there seems to be a very romanticized outlook on “old love” for its longevity, respect, and tradition. In reality, the past was full of stigmas surrounding divorce and sexuality, meaning people had less freedom than they do now regarding romantic decisions.
Film buffs seem to be offered two options when it comes to movies centered around love—the old-fashioned, utterly swoon-worthy option, like The Notebook, or modern fighting, and being misunderstood, like The Blue Valentine. There seems to be no balance. In reality, love can be neither. Romance isn’t all sunshine and pre-ordained Cupid arrows like To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, but it also doesn’t have to be unhappy like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to be realistic.
If love doesn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. It’s a good thing romantic love isn’t permanent, because the healthiest thing to do as people is to learn and grow. If you can’t grow with a partner, you can fly the coop. It’s a modern privilege to have the romantic freedom to not feel trapped.
“Real love,” with its unhappy endings seen in modern movies, doesn’t have to mean emotional irregularity and constant fighting. Toxicity and suffering shouldn’t be romanticized as a complex, deep love for it to be deemed “real.”
There’s beauty in representing love through film as something that blossoms between two individuals who choose each other by their own romantic freedom, not a pre-ordained meet-cute. To her credit, Celine Song’s Past Lives captures an emotionally mature, adult relationship without jealousy and toxicity that can withstand the enticing lure of romance film tropes.
There’s something wholesome and worth preserving about the non-linear development of two people interested in one another. It’s important to capture the awkwardness of early conversation, and to protect the humanness of romantic interactions when depicted on screen.
No two people love the same way, making universal romantic representation difficult, but it doesn’t have to operate at extremes. Seeing two people with their quirks and flaws choose to explore and get to know one another through the tumultuousness, sensitivity, and embarrassments of life is one of the joys of film.
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