Reducing female friendships to the label of being a “girl’s girl” upholds a shallow version of feminism that promotes the objectification of women, actively upholding the patriarchy.
I first came across the term “girl’s girl” on TikTok in 2023, where the idea seemed well-intentioned. The root of the idea is for women to one another—it celebrates female friendships, helping your girlfriends look good in front of their male crush, and telling a man’s girlfriend if he flirts with you. While the idea has good intentions, and celebrates connections between women, men still, somehow, take centre stage.
If you don’t do these things, like failing to fix your friend’s lipstick in front of a hot guy during a night out, or not giving your friend’s number to her crush at a party, you’re considered not a “girl’s girl.” Instead, you risk becoming the dreaded “pick me.” The definition of a “pick me” is someone who rejects typical “feminine” traits to receive male attention and validation by virtue of being “not like other girls.”
Feminist author Dolly Alderton once wrote, “nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learnt from long-term friendships with women.” When I read these words, I was instantly inspired, as I value my friendships with women so deeply. It’s through these friendships that I feel truly myself.
Yet, I’ve always hesitated to call myself a “girl’s girl.” The label offers such an oversimplified, watered-down rendition of female friendships and femininity. It assesses and measures female friendships through an attachment to men. For instance, you’re the ultimate “girl’s girl” if you help your friends to be as attractive as possible, judged on the metric of male validation.
While it’s tempting to use the term “girl’s girl” lightly, I invite you to critically examine when the term is used and what it truly means to feminism. Continuing to acknowledge the intricacies of identities, femininity and friendships between women can be completely removed from involving the realm of men. They’re more complex than the confines of internet slang.
If women continue to assess feminist behaviour in relation to men, as we do with the “girl’s girl” character, patriarchal values will continue to be upheld. This addition of “girl’s girl” to the cultural vocabulary, is a direct result of Third Wave feminism that promotes capitalism and overconsumption. It’s a way to encourage women’s so-called power through money, looking good, and individualism.
Movements like “Lipstick Feminism,” a branch of Third Wave feminism, align with the trend, subtly promoting concepts that oppress women through overconsumption and places an emphasis on appearance and money. The “girl’s girl” concept only furthers this narrative, by contributing to superficial ideas that appear empowering while continuing to shackle women with the patriarchy.
Encouraging a shallow feminist approach promotes the objectification of women and doesn’t address the social issues women face. This version of feminism doesn’t achieve true liberation. Instead, it pits women against one another, vying for status through male validation.
TikTok is partially responsible for pushing these superficial narratives, like the “girl’s girl,” onto its impressionable audience. Experiencing feminism and womanhood as a collective can be difficult when capitalism thrives off individualism. If women are encouraged through consumer culture to feel empowered through shallow concepts, glam, and incessant shopping, feminism may meet a bleak fate.
Feminists can’t oversimplify nuanced issues of gender oppression and inequality the way the “girl’s girl” does. Our feminism must extend beyond calling other women pretty—that’s not enough for liberation. To reach true emancipation from the patriarchy, women must encourage intersectional and diverse feminism to come together as a cohesive group, waving goodbye to the “girl’s girl” and leaving the male gaze out of discussions of female friendships.
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