Dating apps aren’t the problem—we are.
Since their emergence, dating apps have earned quite an unusual reputation, including a certain stigma against them.
Both a driving factor and a byproduct of shifting romantic habits, dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have altered not just how we seek romantic partners but also how we view dating altogether. But we shouldn’t be so quick to let negative perceptions of online dating deter us from trying it out.
Meeting people through an app may feel less genuine than meeting in a so-called organic way. It’s true that online dating turns first encounters and courtship into a cut-and-dry process, but that doesn’t make it any less real. Given so many aspects of our lives are created and sustained through online means, completely natural encounters in this day can be hard to come by.
For many, the Internet is a more suitable environment to meet their match. Factors like social anxiety, a lack of third spaces, or just wanting to expand options make people inclined to explore dating apps as a serious way to begin relationships.
Even with positive intentions, it’s common to feel a degree of disconnect when your dating pool becomes digitized, and all communications are mediated through messages. The clear absence of physical presence and chemistry is a recipe for dry conversations and misunderstandings, making dating apps an odd environment to navigate.
With features like personal bios—that display stats from height and education, to drinking habits and star signs—highly curated profiles, and quick swiping, dating apps allow s to interact with potential prospects in ways unheard of in real life. When you’re in the living room, crowded around your single friend’s Hinge feed projected onto the large screen, it’s easy to forget the profiles you’re judging have real people behind them.
But dating app skeptics will argue online dating misses out or speeds up irreplicable stages of organic relationships. While this isn’t inherently negative, the sentiment drives the idea that online connections are inferior or lack the same value just because they didn’t occur spontaneously.
The truth is, apps may do the heavy lifting of bringing people together and facilitating conversation, but how relationships unfold is entirely reliant on people’s offline chemistry and their social and communication skills.
Knowing what you want in a relationship and acquiring it online doesn’t reflect desperation—it’s called being direct. Though it comes off as less socially acceptable today, being upfront about romantic desires isn’t bad or anything new. Before online dating, it was common for newspapers to display personal ads from individuals looking for a connection. Just listen to the Piña Colada song. Even now, singles city-wide run clubs and charities with the blatant intent of romantic encounters.
Dating apps are what you make of them. Despite how discourse and social media have warped our perceptions of online dating, it’s still a genuine way to form real connections. A little humour and self-deprecation can alleviate the nerves of digital courtship but too much pity only disservices yourself, deepening the overall stigma.
The sooner we stop judging others and ourselves for using dating apps, the sooner we can feel secure enough to speak honestly about relationships.
—Journal Editorial Board
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