Every June, the LGBTQ+ community and allies come together to celebrate Pride month. The month is dedicated to celebrating love, being who you are, and being around an accepting community.
While strong strides have been made in the progression and rights of the LGBTQ+ community, people cannot lose sight of the key focus of what Pride month and the celebrations are meant to emphasize: community.
Pride celebrations now look like a giant street party. Take for example Toronto Pride. During the day, people walk down Church St. during the Street Fair and are handed shot after shot of new drinks and full-size samples of food and makeup. At night, Church St. looks like Aberdeen St. during Homecoming, packed with tons of people.
While this builds community in the moment, long term community—which involves a secure group of people around an individual—is missing, despite being critically important to the Pride movement. These celebrations are great, but if connections aren’t long lasting, they defeat the purpose of Pride.
Some individuals are lucky to be afforded the privilege of being accepted for their identity in the LGBTQ+ community but this isn’t the case for everyone. In a report on youth homelessness, identity-based family conflict resulting from coming out is the number one reason LGBTQ+ individuals experience homelessness. Having to leave your home after coming out removes you from your family—the same family who should be your constant community in life.
This is what Pride works to build for all individuals. Many of the LGBTQ+ community have lost community when opening up about their identity to friends and family. This is where Pride should step in.
Research shows LGBTQ+ youth report significantly lower rates of suicide attempts when they’re part of an accepting community.
However, people are forgetting the important history and reasons why Pride was created. It’s much more than just a street party, it’s to build a much needed community.
In 1970, Pride was created as a one-year anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, also known as the Stonewall Riots. The Stonewall Riots served as a catalyst for the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world. The goal was to form a community of people unafraid to openly live their authentic lives.
The LGBTQ+ community can seem daunting. Just like trying to fit in with any group, it can be challenging to find where a person fits in relation to others.
In the gay male community, it can be challenging to find a place with others if you don’t present masculine enough to be considered ‘masc’ and equally challenging when you don’t feel feminine enough to be considered ‘fem.’ This creates an awkward void where people struggle to find community with others, especially in a group where community must be at the forefront.
The toxicity found in the LGBTQ+ community is alarming. People look towards the community to find others like them and are met with nothing more than a brick wall. This wall stands on the idea that if people aren’t how others expect them to openly live their life, they’re not afforded the right to be included in the community.
To the credit of open of the gay male community, internalized homophobia can build this wall. Being gay comes with heightened anxiety and stress to accept yourself. It’s hard to welcome someone into a community while struggling yourself to accept your relationship with others in the same community. It creates a cycle of trying to accept others, even though you still haven’t accepted yourself.
Pride should foster a sense of community for all individuals. This is one of the main pillars of Pride celebrations each year. Being within a large group of people who feel comfortable being who they are and sharing their identity with the world isn’t only incredibly empowering, but also necessary for acceptance.
Seeing a Pride flag raised is more than just another flag on a pole—it signals to people that the community they’re a part of s them. It shows people want to uplift others and see everyone for their authentic selves—the most important aspect in the Pride community.
Throughout the month, many individuals are proud to show off who they are. They hold hands with their same sex partner, they go shirtless after a gender confirmation surgery, and they live their authentic lives around others.
Celebrations looking like street parties are great in the moment, but they miss the mark on what Pride should be focusing on with community creation and building. It’s easy to look at a Pride parade as just another street festival with people attending to have a good time but for some, it may be their first time feeling a sense of community.
As an openly gay man, I feel myself and others have an obligation to start to work to dismantle this wall and ensure all of the LGBTQ+ community can find their place. This is what community building during Pride month should look like.
Looking back at getting comfortable in my own sexuality, it was encouraging to see other gay men openly living their lives. Something as simple as hearing someone use the same phrases, having similar pop culture interests, and having a similar voice are all things others can find comfort in.
Being authentically yourself is just a start. Breaking down the toxicity of the LGBTQ+ community also involves putting yourself in the shoes of someone else. Thinking back to what I wanted as a queer person in the closet, I just wanted to be accepted by others who were like me.
This Pride month, it’s important to work to build community with others. Community must continue to be built at Queen’s by accepting everyone who identifies as LGBTQ+. Even if they’re not up to your expectations of how ‘masc’ or ‘fem’ they should be, they’re authentically living their life.
To me, Pride reinforces that I’m accepted, but for some, it may start that journey of acceptance. Acceptance is a lifelong struggle, but it can be made easier by others making conscious efforts to build uplifting and accepting communities.
Cole is a fourth year Psychology and Health Studies student and the President of Asus.
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